Alternate Title: Some insight as to how I view friendship
[Warning, this post will include more personal references than normal.]
First off, to the people that have followed me and liked my posts… thank you. My ego likes being stroked.
Also, since I now technically have an official “creator to audience” dynamic… I figured I should write something that’s more personal. So, what about:
Q & A A real summary of who I am I discuss more about what kind of dynamic I want with an audience
- I discuss friendships since I could potentially make meaningful connections via this blog
Ah, friendship. It’s perhaps the type of relationship with the least conclusive expectations. But, society at large usually gives us some strict pointers and claims anyway.
I’ll be there for you~
I’ll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)~
[Friends… you know a show had a big impact on culture when the theme song haunts people who rarely watched it…]
It’s been said many times, that a friend is only a true friend if they stick around in your time of need. But, is this really the be-all, end-all of “true” friendships?
Personally, I don’t think there are any official rules for friendship. I think we all have our own desires and preferences. And we make up our own rules or base them on what society thinks is important at the time.
Every person I’ve met, I’ve been able to place on a scale and provide a label, such as “stranger” or eventually “best friend.” Every friend I’ve had has been for the unique dynamic we share and/or to discuss the particular circumstance we’re in (whether it be school or work). Sometimes the dynamic is just being funny together or having hugs readily available. Other times, it’s because we just vibe and they make life seem a little less absurd.
Still, I don’t expect all my friends to be helpful or to reach out during a “time of need.” And that includes my true/closest friends.
Simply put, some people are good at certain things. Some people are great for certain moments. I have people that are helpful in a time of need and others that are… very much not so. For some, it mainly depends on the situation and what mood I’m in. Other friends, I just blatantly wouldn’t want to count on in a time of need. Maybe it’s because of our dynamic. Or that I know that “being there” for someone weighs more heavily on some people than on others. And I’m sure part of it is that I just like working through rough moments on my own. And I prefer to discuss certain things with specific people.
Sure, maybe not everyone can relate to that. But, it is what it is. And that’s the kind of person I am and how I see the world. I don’t expect much from people. And I don’t want anyone to think they have to do something or support me in a time of need for us to stay friends. It can be nice if a friend wants to be there for me. But, it’s never an obligation. I can always manage to pull through, whether someone is there for me or not.
What matters most to me in a friendship isn’t if you’ll “be there for me” but whether you’re someone I like to be around. If I can smile easily around you then chances are that’s enough for me.
That ain’t never gonna change~
Our spots are different, different colors.
We make each other stronger,
That ain’t never gonna change
We’re cheetah girls, Cheetah sisters~
[Ah, Cheetah Girls. I should rewatch those movies at some point.]
I understand the “Power of Friendship” as an idea and in practice when it comes to the connection between two people. However, I can’t relate to how people successfully exist in lasting friendship groups. And by “successfully,” I mean harmony and having a genuinely good time. In every friendship group I’ve had, it’s been obvious that:
- Someone or a few people are heavily more invested. [As in does the planning for meet-ups or is constantly the “mom” for everyone.]
- Not everyone likes each other.
- Individual connections are weak. [As in not everyone is really friends separately.]
And don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you can have a great friend group despite those things. But, in my experience, it always leads to tearing things apart or the “central” people drifting off until the friend group crumbles, and at best, only some individual connections exist.
I guess part of that is that friendships naturally can drift or break as people and their priorities change. But, when 3 or more people are involved then there are naturally more ways for things to get difficult to sustain. And to be honest, my main problem with friendship groups is that.
To me, it’s tiring and draining to socialize with several people at once. And yes, I’m an introvert. But, that’s not the whole explanation. I can be around only good friends, but I’ll still noticeably feel a sense of disconnection when I’m in a group.
I tackle this concept in another post, but essentially communicating for me, feels like trying to find the right signal for the radio station. Except, you can’t see what frequency you’re tuned in to. And it’s less like 99.1 and more 99.1065.
I think many people can relate to “vibing” with certain people and basically just having the feeling of being in sync/on the same wavelength/understanding where the other is coming from. Well, I can vibe really well with people I’ve known for years and consider myself close to. Maybe we’re not on the exact frequency down to the lowest decimal, but I do think we’re essentially experiencing the same radio station/moment. But it’s so much harder for that to be true in friend groups.
I think I tend to get caught up trying to adjust myself to a frequency that works for the whole group, but that’s not always simple even in an established friend group. And when even one person changes the radio station they’re on, it just throws off my whole vibe. Then I struggle to find common ground with the rest.
So, yeah. Friend groups aren’t my cup of tea. I think I’ll one day like to give them a chance again, but only as that one “loner” friend who’s a good person and is often there for you in your time of need. Yet, only sporadically agrees to large meet-ups and rarely counts on others during rough patches in their own life. I would be great for that role. Just let me be the well-liked friend on the fringes of the friend group.
Thank you for being a friend~
Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down a road and back again~
[Golden Girls is legendary.]
So, that concludes another intermission post. I suspect that most of my next few posts will focus on the Narrative Collection and likely discuss relationships, whether that be platonic, romantic, or something else. But, I’ll try to throw something different in at some point.
Anyway… that’s all, folks.